Air Hockey Table
Are you seeking 360° of airsomeness™ hocktiferary™? Done-ish. Defend your goal from all sides with this addesign™ of that cushion of sexy air plowing through those minute holes on a standard USAA sanctioned table by such manufacturers as Valley-Dynamo and...well, there must be someone else. Either way, this will take the advanced player to therapy as his white oversized haunches fail to squeeze into the generous orifice and/or possibly to another level of vehement game play. Lazy Susan floor apparatus optional, but necessary.


Engineering > Air Hockey Table
Why Not This? Peltier Commercial Hood (Seebeck)
It is time yet again for another why not this? slash product prediction, and this one comes from the genus of gratis energy that many to none may have acknowledged as a personal stimulant. Right now, I am so tur...er, anywho.

Have you ever stood on the line in a restaurant kitchen? It's hot, damn hot, real hot, which is why building codes necessitate elaborate ventilation hoods pumping out extreme tempartures of temperature. Also there are lights, but we'll come back to that. Thermoelectric effect, also known as the Peltier, Seebeck or Thomson effect, because everybody wants a piece of the energy conversion fortune that temperature variations passed between two different alloys produces an electrical charge relative to heat displaced.

A kitchen hood, heat and electrical energy? Tell me more. No, because I will show you...by demonstrating how us bewitching individuals would interpret such incantations:

That is either a salad recipe in Russian or mathematics.

Thusly, a commercial kitchen hood with a Peltier element, a water coolant line leading to a sink or restroom and interior LED low voltage lighting powered solely by the constant torrent of heat radiated from a grill, fryer or the like.


Engineering > Engineering Dump

This wise notion and far more in print and clandestine could be veritable apparatuses as developed by us however, we have no money to speak of. Tramp-esque poverty. You can change all that and contribute to our (humans) future. Donate today as an investment, not merely a charity.
Kei Dildo
The cache of womanly g-spot vibrators at your local tanned hidery are often on the ball (puntown, pop. you) though not much for fulfilling the third dynamic of rhythmic penetration and/or seamless friction. The solution, turn that sum-bitch sideways and stick it up your candy a--well, vagina. This adjustable spiral dildo nicknamed "Kei" (#keildo) adapts to you first. With the AOA and distance adjustable by a flexible inner shaft (puntacular) the dildonic device is inserted as you would a screw (punis anyone?). The domed tip applies pressure to the Gräfenberg spot as the looped surface nudges the clitoris honeypot. Once activated, two individual vibratory servos pulsate the tip and bow. The exuberant cumsumer may then torsion the apparatus using the flanged ergonomic handle, allowing for distribution of the inner vibrating tip, curved clitoral stimulator, feathered edge and fluent penetration. Now, if only we had the funding for a laboratory, a Thing-O-Matic and bait...er, qualified intern. [Engineering > Kei Dildo]

The (our) male alternative to be soon distributed by Fleshlight Inc. is as always displayed on our FleshliPad and Fleshldroid page within the Engineering menu. Shameless plug secured.
Star Wars Emperor Hand Shower Head
Bathe in the dark side.


Engineering > Star Wars Emperor Hand Shower Head
Star Wars emblem and references are trademarks of Lucasfilms Ltd.
Those Guys Merchandise (Coming Soon)
Look for Those Guys merchandise to be flying off the shelves (then being noticed by the owner, violently thrown out and used as sanitary wipes by the homeless) soon. In the meantime, remember to disregard any religious vices on the 62nd (3-March) as Those Guys debut at Millennium Pro Wrestling in Simi Valley, California. Stay tuned for more information on how you can watch live from wherever you are around the world, excluding Saskatoon, Saskatchewan.

Special grievances to resident artist and aspiring pornography mustache collector Christopher George Wiley for illustrations.
Toilet (1) Draft
In engineering, there are but few objects that are the holy grail of design. So imagine if you will; 7 billion people, 7 billion moist piles of sheèt. Everybody poops and in the civilized world, this defecating of defecation is done squared over a porcelain mecca.

But, it's wrong!

The contemporary Western seated posture we are all too familiar with is biologically more dangerous than squatting, as Nature has mitigated by the evolution of the hominid from ape to man. Add to this my personalized engineering angst towards splash-back and generalized inefficiency and we arrive at a severally flaw contraption.

For years we have ventured and failed to evolve this brilliant device and unfortunately this is no different. While this draft is an attempt at the evolution of the idea, it does not answer all queries that are required for a solution. It does however beckon the notion of a happy median by accomplishing the following...

1. Lessened surface area for seating, giving the user a defined ergonomic backside posture coupled with a raised curved step to elevate the legs and allot some irregularity to lessen interest in procrastination.

2. Lessened interior surface area for minimizing resources and interior dynamics for advanced placement layering of feces for efficient controlled evacuation.

Meanwhile, lay off the aesthetics quips. I am attempting to dismiss Adobe Flash and elucidate one's self with Google Sketchup. *whimper*...there doesn't happen to be anyone with any inkling of the ability to CAD who would like to collaborate, would there? Eh?

Engineering > Toilet (1)
Fleshldroid - Fleshlight Android Tablet (FleshliPad Remix)
In light of our recent success (Gizmodo) (The Register) with our Fleshlight iPad concoction we dimwittedly labeled the FleshliPad, we rescued from the vaults this adjustable variation for the vast-ering array of Android tablet dimensions we then cleverly titled the Fleshldroid. Tablet copulation should not be limited to the Apple impaired.

Stencil Spray Box
We are currently employed on a side job that entails can paint spraying well over 900 individual 3" stencil numerals, which has proven to be quite tasking outdoors (ex. wind) and no less than on a raised vertical surface. Additionally, commonly purchased stencils are unforgiving in clearance boundaries, giving little means to efficient expedient processing. Thus, our concept, the Stencil Spray Box. More DIY than not, which is inadvertent. Further modifications would include scales for placement trajectory, a level and expandable guides for larger stencil allowances.


tvmiller.com/static.php?page=stencilspraybox
Truffle Taco Finale
You voted and we listened, especially since you voted for the selection we had already decided upon without you. Yesterday afternoon, we patroned a local New York City Indian themed Taco Bell and dined on presumably the first ever white truffle beef Soft Taco Supreme (no sour cream). As we dined on this Italian-exican delicacy, we took a moment to give thanks to all those who we squashed under-our-thumb this past year. From scorning a toll booth attendant to an impoverished homeless schlub with a cigar, each a lesser sophisticant © than the likes of those who would venture to spend thousands of dollars for an uprooted fungus. Woe to those whose stomach do not now churn acids and mold, for you are but meager mentions of angst towards our beleaguered technological comforts. In all, it was four day old shaved Earth feces soiling a perfectly proper processed taco.
Pet Door Brush (Updated)



[Update] Yowza! When engineering a new project, we are often quite liberal about researching existing materials before moving forward and (ungracefully) while we disagree with their particular methodology, we will surrender that this (currently unavailable) one slipped through the cracks. [dogdoorgenie.com]

[Update Part Deux] Ours is better. If anyone wants it, we demand 23.75 per cent and our services labelled, Analogue Anatomical Contortion Deviation Toilance. It's rubber, genius.