Earphone Cord Static Retention
Headphone wearerers have all experienced a loose cord tugging free from reaching or catching. The market offers cord retention clips which restrict movement, tear away and/or crimp clothing. Obviously it's our turn.

A fibrous slotted tag (imagine a dryer sheet or gauze as reference) with very little provocation can be statically charged by briefly rubbing the tab(g) along an article of clothing. This will then aid in the retention of the cord to anywhere on your clothed person whilst walking, reaching or bending over. It will then also remain easily freed should you extend beyond the movement of the cord's limitation and as easily, often autonomously, returned to a suspended position. The image below is an approximation the while a more aesthetic version is more likely.

Engineering > Earphone Cord Static Retention
Ultrasound Transducer Concept
A classified sonography technicianologist did not recently challenge us to conceive a transducer that dispenses ultrasound gel. Inevitably, we took it a step further to relieve fatigue and have first drafted this limber concept.

Modeled after a convex or linear probe, the pencil grip has been replaced with a palm down position, allowing even pressure, mor stable maneuverability and ergonomic comfort. A thumb wheel freely rotates the lower base, allowing the operator to reach sans an awkward wrist positioning or discomfort to the patient and ease of transition on radial imaging scans. On the keel of the lower base is an access to store a small volume of gel which is dispensed via a levered pump operated by the ring and four finger.

Engineering > Ultrasound Transducer
Why Not? Open Challenge to McDonald's
To: Don Thompson
Chief Executive Officer
McDonald's Corporation

McDonald's sells 9 million pounds (144 million ounces) of french fries per day. Presumably, the most popular size sold is the medium french fry with a serving size of 4.1 ounces. Assuming a margin of 50% (72 million ounces) we may conjecture that an estimated 17.5 million units are sold per day. Each unit comprises of a folded card stock, printed double sided, four color (see ex.)

Recently, as it has several times in the past, the price for such products have increased. (ref.) As the dollar premise evaporates in spite of the relative decline in your average consumer's wealth, there is a noticeable increase or lack of elasticity in benign marketing. While color coordination is proven to influence one's senses, an abundance upon consumer byproduct appears conflicting with a more efficient business model.


Suppose you were to reduce print by up to 70% and stock by 10% for said 17.5 million units? 60% of savings variance then applied to regulating price increases would arrest a sales decline and bolster consumer and investor confidence.

This challenge to you is to utilize the green model as a facade for reducing the requisite of resources to increase market and consumer stability. A reduction in novelty is a resolution to sales and profits that this current economic environment demands. The culture of influential packaging can be more efficient while remaining effective.

Moreover, my blood boils at the notion of paying a further thirty cents to a purposefully distracted moron (ref. today's NYC youth) who relies on a gaudy beep to inform them of their already failed qualities at workmanship the while we stare through seams around windows that are blockaded with garish posters of familiars.

[TVMiller is a former shift manager and avid consumer of McDonald's products and has been ejected from several New York City locations for intolerance.]

[Update] Support this notion by copying info@mcdonalds.com then clicking on the email button below to forward this article to McDonald's.
Peak Roller Coaster
As Project 47 is reigned in closer, we have begun drafting numerous projects currently delayed and/or in long term development, as a means of record. This several year old roller coaster concept titled "Peak" reaches many new heights in thrills and other fay effigies.


Constructed into a fabricated mountain spire, this high speed coaster's marquee attribute is the peak departing world's highest vertical loop. At ground level, the themed inclined queue mimics a base camp that leads the rider up the slope to a boarding tent. The car then travels along the face of and throughout the mountain and is hurried towards the peak using a drive tire slope that releases back into the mountain and then out into the vertical loop. The car then scrapes the face of the mountain, once again returning inside for a conclusive vertical loop which exits from the interior and returns the car to the 'base camp'.


This project is currently delayed for obvious reasons however, we look forward to an opportunity in the future to reimagine this concept for real application. Further images are available at Engineering > Peak Roller Coaster
VibraFingerBall Thing?
Titles of projects have always perplexed us and following the FleshliPad "incident", it is especially difficult to comprise an applicable nonclementure, unless overstating the obvious. This is our third of apparently an eventual fourth sex toy, once again for the ladies, that we have blatantly titled, Finger Ball Vibrator. Venture a guess as to it's application? [Dimensions: 1.5" diameter / 0.7" aperture]

Engineering > Finger Ball Vibrator
Why Not? II - Square Toilet Seat
The next time you look down upon your toilet, ponder who's anus is that immense that it inspired this archaic design? I dare say even Rosie O'Donnell's is not as cavernous.

Recently we demonstrated a healthy alternative to our existing throne however, one would argue that with millions of porcelain bowls mounted the world over, perhaps an initial notion is asking, why are these shapes so inefficient?

At this very moment, run your finger across your anus. It's the size of a novelty button. Your urethra, whether an inside out or outside in version, is just mere inches north and yet the average toilet seat aperture diameter is nearly 8 inches across.

Enter a public restroom and a prerequisite faced is sanitation. A toilet napkin is oddly shaped and often times useless. When unavailable, you're sequestered to layering strips of toilet paper in an octagonal pattern. Either is wasteful and inefficient.

So, why not a square toilet seat? In public, two direct strips complete the task or a toilet seat cover designed with less excess. At home, the sheer dynamic discourages a seat down male urinationist.

Perhaps comfort is then your quandary? How many circular chairs have you sat upon today? None?! Exactly. Immediately cease thinking for yourself because you have performed poorly and instead, allow me to ask, why not?


[ref. Engineering > Engineering Dump]
Air Hockey Table
Are you seeking 360° of airsomeness™ hocktiferary™? Done-ish. Defend your goal from all sides with this addesign™ of that cushion of sexy air plowing through those minute holes on a standard USAA sanctioned table by such manufacturers as Valley-Dynamo and...well, there must be someone else. Either way, this will take the advanced player to therapy as his white oversized haunches fail to squeeze into the generous orifice and/or possibly to another level of vehement game play. Lazy Susan floor apparatus optional, but necessary.


Engineering > Air Hockey Table
Why Not This? Peltier Commercial Hood (Seebeck)
It is time yet again for another why not this? slash product prediction, and this one comes from the genus of gratis energy that many to none may have acknowledged as a personal stimulant. Right now, I am so tur...er, anywho.

Have you ever stood on the line in a restaurant kitchen? It's hot, damn hot, real hot, which is why building codes necessitate elaborate ventilation hoods pumping out extreme tempartures of temperature. Also there are lights, but we'll come back to that. Thermoelectric effect, also known as the Peltier, Seebeck or Thomson effect, because everybody wants a piece of the energy conversion fortune that temperature variations passed between two different alloys produces an electrical charge relative to heat displaced.

A kitchen hood, heat and electrical energy? Tell me more. No, because I will show you...by demonstrating how us bewitching individuals would interpret such incantations:

That is either a salad recipe in Russian or mathematics.

Thusly, a commercial kitchen hood with a Peltier element, a water coolant line leading to a sink or restroom and interior LED low voltage lighting powered solely by the constant torrent of heat radiated from a grill, fryer or the like.


Engineering > Engineering Dump

This wise notion and far more in print and clandestine could be veritable apparatuses as developed by us however, we have no money to speak of. Tramp-esque poverty. You can change all that and contribute to our (humans) future. Donate today as an investment, not merely a charity.
Kei Dildo
The cache of womanly g-spot vibrators at your local tanned hidery are often on the ball (puntown, pop. you) though not much for fulfilling the third dynamic of rhythmic penetration and/or seamless friction. The solution, turn that sum-bitch sideways and stick it up your candy a--well, vagina. This adjustable spiral dildo nicknamed "Kei" (#keildo) adapts to you first. With the AOA and distance adjustable by a flexible inner shaft (puntacular) the dildonic device is inserted as you would a screw (punis anyone?). The domed tip applies pressure to the Gräfenberg spot as the looped surface nudges the clitoris honeypot. Once activated, two individual vibratory servos pulsate the tip and bow. The exuberant cumsumer may then torsion the apparatus using the flanged ergonomic handle, allowing for distribution of the inner vibrating tip, curved clitoral stimulator, feathered edge and fluent penetration. Now, if only we had the funding for a laboratory, a Thing-O-Matic and bait...er, qualified intern. [Engineering > Kei Dildo]

The (our) male alternative to be soon distributed by Fleshlight Inc. is as always displayed on our FleshliPad and Fleshldroid page within the Engineering menu. Shameless plug secured.
Star Wars Emperor Hand Shower Head
Bathe in the dark side.


Engineering > Star Wars Emperor Hand Shower Head
Star Wars emblem and references are trademarks of Lucasfilms Ltd.