"Wait, we can refuse service?!" #Starbucks, probably. #SarahSanders #RedHen
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Toilet (1) Draft
In engineering, there are but few objects that are the holy grail of design. So imagine if you will; 7 billion people, 7 billion moist piles of shečt. Everybody poops and in the civilized world, this defecating of defecation is done squared over a porcelain mecca.

But, it's wrong!

The contemporary Western seated posture we are all too familiar with is biologically more dangerous than squatting, as Nature has mitigated by the evolution of the hominid from ape to man. Add to this my personalized engineering angst towards splash-back and generalized inefficiency and we arrive at a severally flaw contraption.

For years we have ventured and failed to evolve this brilliant device and unfortunately this is no different. While this draft is an attempt at the evolution of the idea, it does not answer all queries that are required for a solution. It does however beckon the notion of a happy median by accomplishing the following...

1. Lessened surface area for seating, giving the user a defined ergonomic backside posture coupled with a raised curved step to elevate the legs and allot some irregularity to lessen interest in procrastination.

2. Lessened interior surface area for minimizing resources and interior dynamics for advanced placement layering of feces for efficient controlled evacuation.

Meanwhile, lay off the aesthetics quips. I am attempting to dismiss Adobe Flash and elucidate one's self with Google Sketchup. *whimper*...there doesn't happen to be anyone with any inkling of the ability to CAD who would like to collaborate, would there? Eh?

Engineering > Toilet (1)
Fleshldroid - Fleshlight Android Tablet (FleshliPad Remix)
In light of our recent success (Gizmodo) (The Register) with our Fleshlight iPad concoction we dimwittedly labeled the FleshliPad, we rescued from the vaults this adjustable variation for the vast-ering array of Android tablet dimensions we then cleverly titled the Fleshldroid. Tablet copulation should not be limited to the Apple impaired.

NYC Subway Idiot Flyer Series (Part Deuce)
Last year we introduced our idiot fliers to the New York City Metropolitan Transit Authority unbeknownst to them, in a test of our broadcasting reach, on behalf of Project 47's dogma of teaching accountability. This year, we've engorged it a notch by exploiting, color. Look for our latest fliers amongst the overcrowded, rat infested, urine odorous subway lines in the coming days and convince your overweight neighbor to scan the QR for more "information". Below are fliers 1 and 2 of 5 that you may click to enlarge...'she said. Stay tuned to our Twitter account for candid photography from the scene of the alleged elucidation.


DIY Desktop Square (Engineering Dump)
Just look at that mouse pad...intolerable! For those who know for what I query, you are likely a left-handed, spatial connoisseur or often labelled obsessive, as if it were a fault. I myself have kept tape measures on hand in desk drawers for such re-alignments. Alternatively, here is a simple DIY Desk Square to aide in the easing of your unsettled fettle.

Cut (1) 1" wood lath strip ($1.50) or 1" wood shims/stakes ($3.00 pack) into (7) 10" lengths. Mark off measures of your choice and sandwich that length with two pieces drilled for a bolt and wingnut. Glue and/or finishing nail the front edge and begin accommodating your feng shui'd comforted zone. (Note: This is clearly a non-relevant project thus, to the Engineering Dump with you.)

GeekOSystems Reviews Fleshlight iPad Holder Concept
GeekOSystem(.com of course) and Obvious Winner has posted our Fleshlight iPad (tablet) concept on it's main page(s) and left a tvmiller.com-nameless-positive(?)-review that we agree with..? Regardlesslyness, all are welcome to this nether-region of wisdom and enjoy, won't you.

Special thanks to Tim Tebow's Jesus and Marky Mark's pencils.

The Daily What?
Twitter (?=fleshlight+ipad)
Jace Hall Show
VK Magazine (Netherlands)

Someone tell Obvious Winner and anyone else that we (as in us) have no affiliation what-so-ever with the accidentally credit-stealing @Fleshlightyet. Did you (those who link to it) even bother to notice there is no mention of this design and/or device. Jebus Herbert Christ! [Fixed]
Why Not? Steering Wheel Display (Speedometer)
Here's a quick, why not already? Most of your automotive gauges (speedometer, tachometer, et cetera) are viewed through an ever shrinking, frequently obscured steering wheel gap. In an age of orientating digital displays, why is there not a steering wheel gauge that rights itself as you maneuver the steering apparatus? Let's step on it (pun) Audi.

Engineering > Engineering Dump

Stencil Spray Box
We are currently employed on a side job that entails can paint spraying well over 900 individual 3" stencil numerals, which has proven to be quite tasking outdoors (ex. wind) and no less than on a raised vertical surface. Additionally, commonly purchased stencils are unforgiving in clearance boundaries, giving little means to efficient expedient processing. Thus, our concept, the Stencil Spray Box. More DIY than not, which is inadvertent. Further modifications would include scales for placement trajectory, a level and expandable guides for larger stencil allowances.

Truffle Taco Finale
You voted and we listened, especially since you voted for the selection we had already decided upon without you. Yesterday afternoon, we patroned a local New York City Indian themed Taco Bell and dined on presumably the first ever white truffle beef Soft Taco Supreme (no sour cream). As we dined on this Italian-exican delicacy, we took a moment to give thanks to all those who we squashed under-our-thumb this past year. From scorning a toll booth attendant to an impoverished homeless schlub with a cigar, each a lesser sophisticant © than the likes of those who would venture to spend thousands of dollars for an uprooted fungus. Woe to those whose stomach do not now churn acids and mold, for you are but meager mentions of angst towards our beleaguered technological comforts. In all, it was four day old shaved Earth feces soiling a perfectly proper processed taco.
[Poll] Tuber Magnatum Fast Food Cuisine '071
We have recently obtained (gratis) 0.31 ounces (est. $94US) of Alba madonna, better known as the esteemed white truffle. This ectomycorrhizal fascist fungi is a prized delicacy around the world for, despite initially smelling like the foot of an obese Italian woman following hours of labor, it's intoxicant odor and inimitable palate. Due to it's exclusivity, white truffles are traded on a market during peak Fall seasons for exorbitant fares. [ex. 1 oz. $304.99US]

This is of course, idiotic...and subsequently where we come in. We need your assistance in deciding how best to enjoy this elitist ration. We have narrowed down our selections of finer cuisines to garnish to the McDonald's McDouble (no cheese) or the Taco Bell beef Soft Taco Supreme (no sour cream). You have 24 hours to vote before lunch. We will live tweet the results and dining experience tomorrow (14.30 325/071).

Are you a stalker of crudely displaced bile-esque snacking commentary by mediocre-stars? I am as well, which is why I listen to Mike and Tom Eat Snacks. Give a listen, won't you? Oh, and it's free. Very important to note, free.
A Considerate Suicide Method (Capt. Miller's Knot)
As society begins to once again break down, many of the weaker clansmen will find themselves more apt to flee. While they will attest to feeling sorrow for those they abandon, they will fail to acknowledge the elaborate task it becomes to dispose of their corpus from some conceited stunt to become a mortician's refuse.

Welcome, you morose son of a bitch. The following procedure will furnish you, the bullied, with a recycling technique for the relief of those who are sincerely better off if you were to perform this act and (sod-) off yourself cleanly, naturally and promptly.

[Step 1] Take a brief (as to not bore us) mobile phone video of yourself, apologizing for the grief you have given us all for your measly existence.

[Step 2] Leave your unlocked mobile phone positioned and/or opened to this recording on your desk or counter where one might easily discover it, and toss it aside disinterested.

[Step 3] Visit your local hardware store (ex. Home Depot) and purchase 6 feet of 1/4 inch nylon and polypropylene braided rope ($8.00US)

[Step 4] Go to a remote wooded area such as a forest, river, savannah, mountainside or anywhere unpolluted by people that abhor you.

[Step 5] Reference the following diagram(s) to tie a Capt. Miller's Knot around your neck, placing the crux of the lashing immediately below the Thyroid cartilage.

[Step 6] Seat yourself, then take a hearty breath and pull the ends taught.

[Step 7] Struggle you stupid bastard and look at what you've done. Witness the world in all it's grandeur as it slowly blurs. Worth it now, isn't it? Too late.

[Step 8] Gasp. Die. Decay. Recycled. Thank you for your sedimentary compliment to our Earth...the one useful application of your life.

This guide is an aide to the living in the disposal of the walking dead. Please do not attempt this at home, instead, refer to [Step 4]. No essential humans were harmed in the making of this document.